My First Diary Ever

Assalamualaikum...

Welcome to my very own blog. Since today is the 1st day of Ramadhan, I would like to wish all Muslims "Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa di bulan Ramadhan yg penuh barakah ini. Semoga anda semua mendapat puasa yg mabrur. Insya Allah"

At last, dapat jugak aku create my own blog. The idea has been on my mind for quite a while. Tapi tak tercreate pun. Have been shelfing that idea for ages since I used to be very busy with work. Now that I'm out of job, the idea juz popped up in my head again and here I am, writing my own blog and creating my first diary ever.

I've been out of job since 11 August 06. The recent job is juz not suitable for me and I've lots of painful memories there. Juz can't get along with the people (Managers esp) and the work stress is too much to handle. But I love the work itself. Gotta learn a lot and the exposure is very very good. Wished that I could juz do my work without dealing with the people (nahhh...in your dreamz bebeh).

I've been staying at home since then until I met my ex-supervisor from my 1st job for lunch one day. She offered me a part time job in my old workplace to help her clear "Emails" while I look for a permanent job. Decided to accept her offer after discussing with my husband. He's with the idea coz at least I can keep myself occupied and earn some money every mth (though it's very much little as compared to my usual pay), but at least..sikit pun is better than nothing, rite? Anyway, it's juz a part time job...no commitment and I can quit anytime I like (juz give 3 days notice jer).

Juz started working last Tuesday. Very very happy and excited on my first day. Went to meet all my old colleagues and took about half a day to say 'Hi' to all. Got a lot of reactions from them. Some very happy that I'm back, some keep on asking why..why I came back? why I quit? why why why?..some laugh when I said I worked part time there, some neutral reaction..well..maknosia, memacam perangai..memacam ragam..Told my husband abt it coz quite sad with the negative reaction..well he said, for those who think negative, they r not real friends, they are juz acquitances...Yah quite true..I shld not bother abt what people said...asalkan aku cari rezki yg halal, dpt restu somi and I'm happy, that shld be orait.

After the 'visiting and saying 'Hi'' session is over, the excitement has somewhat zapped all of my energy and by lunch time, I was very tired (tengah puasa pulak tu). So, to conserve energy, I talked very little during lunch...not sure if my lunchmates (muka2 sama jugak..hehehe) perasan ke tak...and never talk to anyone after lunch. Juz sit in front of my PC and start doing my work. Yah, on my first day dah start buat kerja. Tak kasi chance langsung!

Had to learn the new system that has juz been launched. Quite slow lah but they said it's much better than the first few mths that it was launched. So, juz go with the flow. Anyway, my job now is so very simple. Juz update address and personal particulars. Hahaha...tak ke senang punya kerja? Dah lama aku tak buat kerja sesenang tu..hehehe

I'm still looking for a perm job. Actually, aku sendiri tak tau apa kerja aku nak buat sekarang. I've been saying I want to do Accounts, but inside my heart, I'm not sure if that's what I really want to do. I'm still searching for my true self and keep on asking what I really want. After the experience that I've gone thru at my recent job, my confidence level has dropped tremendously. I'm always hesitant/unsure in whatever things that I do now. Totally different from my old me! Used to be very sure and certain of what I want and go for it! But now...haizzzzzz. Is this a sign of depression?

I hope bulan yg penuh barakah ini, Allah will answer my prayers soon....to show me the way that is best for me dan memberiku petunjuk, taufik dan hidayahMu selalu. Hanya Engkau yg Maha Mengetahui dan tahu apa yg terbaik buat hambamu ini. Amin.

Before I end, I would like to say thank you to all my beloved and bestest friends (you know who you are). If you are reading this, thank you so much for all your support all these years...during my ups and downs..we have shared so many things together..and you guys are always there for me..

And especially to my beloved Sayang, thank you for being there always. Allah Maha Besar. He has given me a husband who has broad shoulders so that I could lie and cry on it, who is like a teddy bear so that I could squeeze and hug lovingly...who is so understanding and loving...thank you for all your time and patience..listening to my complaints and problems everyday. I'm glad and grateful that I choose you and stick to you and I'm proud to call you my husband..Love you Sayang..muaks...